A brief distraction from the dumpster fire

Halloween is officially behind us.  It wasn’t quite the universal factory reset for which some were hoping, what with the holiday, a full moon and daylight savings all converging on the same weekend. But at least there was candy. Lots of candy. In an attempt to make up for the weirdness of this year’s Halloween and of 2020 generally, I, for one, was far more liberal with the candy dosing. For the kids and for myself. 

If you have any uncarved pumpkins hanging around on your porch, here is a perfect recipe to help you use them up and make way for the Christmas decorations. (I don’t know about you, but I am going to break out the holiday decor a little early this year … um, okay, maybe I already started. I kept hearing that a little holiday cheer is what this year needs, so I turned on the Kenny Rogers “Christmas” album and hung a couple of wreaths yesterday.  And I have to say, I didn’t hate it.)

Even if you don’t have any unused pumpkins, the good news is that canned pumpkin is now back on store shelves after briefly and mysteriously disappearing.  What can I say, other than 2020. 

But do you know what is still good in 2020?  Do you know what is still tasty when your kids are quarantined from school AGAIN? Do you know what is still delicious, even when your son’s football season is cancelled? Do you know what will never disappoint, even when your daughter ALMOST makes it to the bathroom before puking two minutes before your Zoom call (Okay, maybe you won’t want to eat them right then.)? 

Answer: Pumpkin muffins.  Specifically, the pumpkin muffins I am about to share with you. These things are amazing, even in the dumpster fire we’re all living in. 

You will need two mixing bowls. I know, I know, I hate it when you can’t just pour all the ingredients into one darn bowl.  I know your life is hard enough, and I am truly sorry. I promise it’s worth washing the extra bowl, though.  

In the larger bowl, add 3 cups of flour.  I have been using all-purpose flour lately, but in brighter, pre-pandemic days, I often substituted a cup of whole wheat flour, and sometimes used solely whole wheat flour.  You might even find success with another flour option entirely. Your choice. I am giving you carte blanche over all flour-related decision-making. 

Next, add 2 cups of sugar.  Yes, I know it’s a lot of sugar.  I also know it’s 2020.  So just add the sugar.  I am not trying to be bossy here. I am trying to help you. 

Sprinkle in 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder, 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon (or 2 tsp.,  if you’re feeling wacky), 1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, and 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg.  

Grab a fork or a whisk and mix the dry ingredients up. 

Next, break out the smaller bowl.  Add one egg.  The upside of this step is that you need not crack the egg into yet another separate bowl before adding it, since it is the first thing to go into this bowl.  Or maybe you don’t take that precaution.  Maybe you are a master egg-cracker and never drop a little shell in with the egg.  Or maybe you are just a devil-may-care baker.  

Either way, follow up the egg with 3/4 cup egg substitute.  If you don’t have any, or if you have some sort of moral objection to the stuff, don’t fret. You can add three more eggs instead, for a total of four eggs. I like these muffins a bit better when I use the egg substitute, but usually I don’t have any on hand, unless I am planning ahead.  So … usually I don’t have any on hand.  Four eggs work fine.  

You have yet more control over your pumpkin-muffin destiny when it comes to the star of the show, as well.  I have used both canned pumpkin and homemade pumpkin puree when baking these muffins in the past.  Again, I go with what I have on hand. I’ll tell you a secret – no one will know the difference.  Either way, add 15-16 ounces. The cans are 15 ounces, but I usually freeze 16 ounces per bag. Don’t stress over an ounce. You have enough other things to stress over. 

Next dump in 1/2 cup applesauce and 1/4 cup oil.  Mix all of that up carefully.  The key here is you want to make sure each bowl is mixed up well individually so that when you combine them there is very little mixing left to do. This batter doesn’t like it when the wet and dry ingredients are over-combined.   

Now you will pour the wet into the dry and stir until just combined.  
Finally, we add the reason we make these muffins in the first place.  The mini chocolate chips.  I do not like full-size chocolate chips in this recipe.  They have their place, but it’s not in these muffins. Dump those mini-chips in. How many, you ask.  I don’t care.  You do you.  Does 1/2 cup sound good?  How about 1 cup?  Eh, just stir some in until you are happy. 

Coat a muffin tin with nonstick spray.  You can go with mini or regular-sized muffins, but I prefer mini.  Mostly because everyone knows mini muffins don’t have any calories.  This is also the reason I eat all the mini Twix bars out of my kids’ Halloween haul,  while leaving the full-size candy bars for them. Well, that and the fact that the kids are less apt to notice the disappearance of the miniature candy. 

I digress. 

You will want to bake at 400 degrees for 17-22 minutes.  I am usually at 17 minutes for mini muffins and 22 for full-size. 

Then pop them out of the tin and eat (and/or hide) a few right away, so you will at least get to try them before the hungry hooligans living in your house devour them all. Your people will love you and will instantly forgive the “mom tax” you recently imposed on their Halloween stash, along with any other minor transgressions you may have committed this week.  You know, looking at them wrong or suggesting they wear a jacket. And if you aren’t quick enough to nab a few for yourself, don’t despair – you can always raid their Halloween candy again. 

1 comment

  1. Thank you for a fun post. Lightened my day. I’ll copy your recipe and try it—soon.
    To you and your family~~~Stay well.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *