Sure, kids need limits and structure. They need to read books and wear bike helmets and eat their vegetables. I think we can all agree there. And, as a mom, it often falls to you to enforce those things. So you find yourself telling your children “no” a heck of a lot. But I’ll tell you a secret: Sometimes you say no because it’s just easier to veto a request that’s going to add more work to your day, especially because life is dang busy, even downright overwhelming.
And I feel like lately I have been coming from a place of “no.” I don’t like it. “No” has become my default, unless I can be convinced otherwise. “No, you don’t need to push the grocery cart.” “No, we don’t have time to make homemade pizza on a Tuesday night after karate practice.” “No, you can’t have one more….whatever.”
I have heard of folks letting kids have a “yes” day, where the kids can ask for, and get, whatever they want (within reason). I’ve also heard of Shonda Rhimes’ book, “The Year of Yes,” but I haven’t read it. (See: Life is busy, above.) But, I thought to myself recently, what if we go a step beyond? What if we reach for a life of “yes”?
Now, starting from “yes” doesn’t mean I’ll let them stay up until all hours or subsist on ice cream. I’m not saying you should act like a grandparent all the time! But why can’t they have dessert first once in a while? Why can’t I evaluate each request from a position of positivity? Why don’t I just assume I will say “yes” and make “no” present its case?
“Yes, you can put rouge and blue eye shadow on me.” Because who am I trying to impress? I mean, my husband has seen me in far worse states.
“Yes, you can sit in my lap, even though my leg is asleep.” Because they won’t always want to.
“Yes, you can have four friends sleep over.” Because I am nuts.
And, most recently: “Yes, we can get chickens.” Just because. I’m not talking chicken, as in teriyaki or pot pie. No, we are adding 8 egg-laying chickens to our family. And they will be named Zac Efron, Zendaya, and Aaron Rodgers, among other fabulous monikers. Because we are partial to the Packers and The Greatest Showman in our house, and also because I said “yes” when the kids asked to name the new chicks. (Although, I personally think Teriyaki is a great name for a chicken. Teri for short. I’m going to throw that one out there for their consideration.)
Sometimes you have to say no, though, either for safety or budgetary reasons, or because their request is really just impossible. But sometimes their little heart’s desire is just slightly inconvenient and not what you would choose. In that case, say “yes” anyway. You’ll be amazed at what happens.
There is magic in “yes.” The place of “yes” is where the kids get along. They might even hug each other as they put pepperoni on their Tuesday night make-your-own pizzas. “Yes” is where the memories are made. “Yes” is where you get chickens, folks.
Even though I didn’t read Shonda’s book, I’m relatively sure her “yes” quest is more about business and personal growth than parenting. And it’s absolutely true that saying “yes” to opportunities that present themselves to us, even if they are uncomfortable, especially if they are uncomfortable, is its own powerful magic for adults and children alike. Agreeing to a speech you don’t really want to give, or attending the party where you won’t know many people. Just writing that sentence makes me shudder, but I understand the crazy power that lies in saying “yes” to those opportunities, too.
So, basically, the “yes” mindset is not only more fun for all of us (okay, maybe especially for the children), but more empowering, too. That’s right, teaching the kids to start from “yes” will serve them well down the road. (How’s that for a justification for agreeing to an extra serving of birthday cake?
After all, life isn’t about the things we don’t do.