Controlling Our How

This will forever change us.  As a society, we will recover, but we will be different.  To a one, we will have lost something – a loved one, a job, income, a sense of security, a wedding or graduation ceremony, or, for some, just their vacation plans. But we will all be imprinted by the heaviness of this time. By the uncertainty and disruption.  It seems the ground is shifting beneath our feet every day, as though the virus’ far-reaching tentacles are tunneling, degrading the very earth on which we stand. 

The past few weeks have been a very strange mix of a staycation and Armageddon.  Whether you are still working outside the house, working from home (like me), or not claiming a paycheck at all, your life is not what it was a month ago. It has been an adjustment period for the entire world, as we all try to cope with whatever particular challenges this pandemic has thrown our way. 

And everyone has something to say about it.  Their opinions are strong and, more often than not, conflicting. The virus seems to have given folks a voice, or at least amplified their voices. So, on top of the pandemic, we are facing a very loud, very forceful and very confusing cacophony of voices. 

But the virus took my voice. Anything I might have to say about our current situation felt inadequate, like throwing paper airplanes at an invisible demon.  Until today. 

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Today, I want to talk about control. There is very little we can control these days.  The building blocks of our reality – the who, what, when, where, why and how – are largely beyond the scope of our domain. If you think about those 5 Ws + H (which is an exercise you probably don’t engage in very often, unless you are a former journalism student… or a first grader), you will realize we aren’t in the driver’s seat on many of them right now.

We clearly cannot choose our “where,” and we don’t know “when” this madness will end. I don’t know about you, but I can’t claim to know “why” this is happening. Beyond the humans in our household, we can’t even choose “who” we see – except, of course, on our laptop screens (Big shout out to Zoom!). And as for “what,” well, who the heck knows “what” news tomorrow may bring?

But “how.” 

We can still control our “how.” Specifically, we can control how we treat each other. We can extend kindness to others, and, for the love of all that is holy, we can extend kindness to ourselves. And we can control how we look at the situation.  We can view these challenges as temporary, and we can find gratitude.  We can. I know we can. 

Admittedly, I haven’t been very good at controlling my how. I have, in fact, been quite bad at it. I have lost my cool, lost lots of sleep, and come close to losing my mind a few times. Don’t worry, I’ve gained things, too.  Specifically, several pounds and a higher alcohol tolerance. 

Meanwhile, my daughter, Ryan Rose, is walking around the house singing “If You’re Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands.”  What?!?! I mean, really?  Is this child serious? After all, she misses her friends, she misses school, and she celebrated her 8th birthday in social isolation.  But she could have it worse – just like most of us.  So she sings. And she is choosing how she is handling this crisis with far more grace than her mother. 

So from now on I am going to remember to control my how.  I am going to dominate the heck out of my how. I am going to look for the blessings, and I will try to be a blessing, too. Even if that means I have to follow Ryan’s lead and walk around singing (“If you’re happy and you know it, control your how!”). Who knows, maybe I’ll have to get “control your how” inked on my person somewhere…when the tattoo parlors reopen.  But, until then, I am going to remind myself of it as many times as it takes. 

Control your how. If Ryan can do it, I can do it.  And if I can do it, you can do it.