Food | Jessica Van Bommel

A Recipe for Family Bonding

We love a family dinner. We don’t have one every night. Because life. Sure, we always manage to eat, but it is sometimes from a drive-through. Don’t judge. And sometimes I only have time to dine standing up, eating the kids’ leftovers as I load their plates into the dishwasher. Okay, maybe you can judge a little.

Often, we don’t all eat the same food, even when we sit down together. I have told the kids for years that if they don’t like what is on the menu at Chez Mom (…after they at least try it, that is. And not just put their tongue in its general vicinity, but actually try it…), their other option is a peanut butter sandwich. I refuse to make a second full-out meal, but I have given up on forcibly broadening their culinary horizons. Turns out, however, peanut butter is Ryan’s love language. So while the rest of the family enjoys chicken fried rice or Boilermaker chili, Ryan typically prefers to subsist on a PB, hold the J.

But I can always bring them to the table with a roast. If my family can all agree on one thing, it is that carrots and potatoes belong in a crock pot with beef. If Baylor’s keen nose detects even a hint of red meat in the air, he has been known to abandon a video game to investigate. And that, my friends, is saying something.

Pioneer Woman recipes are also an across-the-board hit for my clan. I don’t know what she did to earn their loyalty. Actually, I do. It was baked ziti. In any event, the kids have come to trust her taste so much that I may have even attributed a couple of “extra” recipes to her, from time to time. “Yes, kiddos, the Pioneer Woman makes this quinoa spinach salad. You’ll love it.” Sorry, Ree.

My father-in-law, Steve, made our dining table. Yes, with his bare hands. Or tools. Whatever, you get the point. The wood for the table came from trees cut down on our land. The table is too new to be an heirloom, but I imagine someday it will be just that. It’s certainly a special spot to gather.

But, really, it doesn’t matter what we eat or where we sit, as long as we are together. Just the ability to share a meal makes us truly blessed. I mean, grilled grouper tacos in Marco Island would be ideal, but pizza on the couch could be just as good. The point is that we spend some time together. That we show up for each other and spend a good 20 minutes interacting like, well, a family. Sometimes we chat about the best part of our day, and sometimes we referee sibling bickering matches. And some evenings we get out The Family Dinner Box of Questions.

Before you ask, this is not a box of thoughtful questions I pulled out of thin air and handwrote like some Pinterest queen. This is a cute little container that our friendly UPS man brought to us straight from the Amazon warehouse. We all take turns answering whatever question is posed on the card we draw. The box contains such conversation-starting gems as: “Is there a household chore that you actually like doing?” (Nope.) and “If you could trade lives with any relative for 24 hours, who would it be?” (The dog, obviously.)

I would like to tell you that you could go to Amazon and snag a Box of Questions yourself, but, alas, it is listed as currently unavailable. So I will do even better and give you a few more of my favorites, instead:

What is your favorite family tradition?
What has a family member said or done for you this week that was very thoughtful?
Where is the coziest spot in your home?
Where do your first and last name come from?
If your family had a motto, what would it be?
What qualities do you look for in a friend?
What do you like most about the person on your right?
Have you ever gotten in trouble for something you did not do?
What is one thing you want to do this year?
What class would you like to take in school that is not offered?
Describe a perfect weekend.
What do you think is the greatest invention of all time?
If you were given $1 million to give to charity, which one would you choose?

Pick a few questions, and give it a try. You may find out something new about a family member. Or just have a few laughs. Either way, the exercise will distract your offspring from arguing over the last crescent roll. Box of Questions for the win.

Please Silence Your Cell Phones…

Our family loves a movie night. We probably have one at least once a week. Sometimes we all curl up on the giant chair in the living room, and sometimes we venture out to the back porch to watch a flick al fresco. Sometimes my husband sleeps through the whole thing.

I usually pop a big batch of popcorn the old-fashioned way (on the stovetop!) before the show. I like to use coconut oil to pop the kernels in our giant stock pot. It feels somewhat more virtuous than microwave popcorn, and it’s freaking delicious. Plus it pairs great with Sauvingon Blanc. Bonus.

One of the most beautiful things about movie night is that, once everyone is settled with their respective bowls of popcorn and the movie selection has been negotiated, you are virtually guaranteed two blissful hours without sibling squabbles.

Our method of choosing a movie could best be described as a limited democracy. I am the official movie-picker-outer. I put together a selection of 3-5 choices, based on what is available on Netflix and/or Amazon (which is basically everything these days), but also based on what won’t make Dan and me want to bang our heads against the wall. Then the options are debated and voted upon until we reach a familial consensus.

Our movie choices are eclectic, and they are seldom critical smashes. Gene Siskel I am not. For instance, last weekend, we enjoyed a viewing of “The Game Plan,” starring none other than Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Our first-grade daughter loves The Rock. I don’t claim to understand her stance, but hearing no objections, we went with it. Turns out, everyone liked the movie. It may have received only 29% on Rotten Tomatoes, but it was a hit with the Van Bommels.

We try to keep things family-friendly and non-traumatic, of course. But we have experienced a few missteps. So, take it from me, if you have dog lovers in your house, avoid Benji like the plague. Actually, avoid any films containing even a hint of dog-related peril. No Lassie. No Homeward Bound. None of the above. Just. Don’t. Do. It. There will be tears. Lots and lots of tears.

We have made some forays into ’80s cinema. Back to the Future proved to be a major win for us. Not only was it a fun flashback for the adults in the family, but the kids really got into it. (“So where is he now?” “Wait, that’s his mom?”) And the best part of Back to the Future is that it’s part of a trilogy. That means, once you overcome the hurdle of achieving an initial consensus, you have at least 3 argument-free movie nights in your future. Sequels are great, but trilogies are gold.

However, just a friendly heads up that the movie rating system was a tad more liberal back in the 1980s. For instance, although Top Gun is rated PG, it probably wasn’t suitable for our 7-year-old son. But back when we drank out of garden hoses and rode in cars without those pesky seatbelts, it was also okay for children to watch someone flipping the bird (“You know…the finger?” “Yes, I know the finger, Goose.”) and joke about having relations on a bathroom counter (“A long cruise, was it, Sailor?”). Now, that is good stuff. Classic stuff, even, but probably not totally appropriate for family viewing. So pretend I didn’t tell you that Top Gun still ranks up there as one of Baylor’s faves. Come to think of it, Back to the Future might have been a bit dicey too. (Remember the bedroom scene between Marty and his 1955 mom? “Why do you keep calling me Calvin?”)

Part of me looks forward to a time when we need not be so careful with our movie choices. A larger, wiser part of me does not. So when in doubt, we usually go for a Disney movie. It’s safe. I’m not talking Snow White or any of its animated cohorts (Although our daughter did go through a significant Frozen period. Shudder.). We gravitate towards Disney’s much more sophisticated live-action teeny-bopper genre, e.g., Zombies, Descendants, High School Musical (another trilogy for the win!), The Princess Diaries. School of Rock and The Sandlot aren’t Disney movies, but they are awesome. Enchanted makes my list. That may or may not have something to do with its inclusion of Patrick Dempsey.

Now, I am not a Lindsay Lohan fan, but I have to admit that girl can crush a family movie. In fact, she stars in two of my favorites – Freaky Friday and The Parent Trap. Freaky Friday has been redone over and over again, most recently this summer. I have seen them all, but Lindsay’s incarnation is my favorite. Similarly, LLo’s reboot of The Parent Trap surpasses the originals. In fact, it’s probably one of my top five movies of all time. Don’t judge.

Even though we don’t usually watch animated films, The Bee Movie is a exception, and a perennial favorite in our house. Who knew Jerry Seinfeld would make such a likeable bee? More than that, though, I think this movie reminds us of a simpler time that (some of us) look back on fondly for the togetherness it engendered. Back when we were building our house and lived in our cabin for six months, we didn’t have Netflix or Amazon. Heck, we didn’t have a washing machine or an oven. Or bedrooms with doors. But we did have a DVD player, and we had The Bee Movie on DVD. So we watched it. A lot.

Now, remember, I’m not claiming to be a movie guru. In fact, when I looked up most of these films on Rotten Tomatoes, there weren’t more than a couple in the bunch that exceeded a 50% rating. This week, though, we are going to go with a critical darling. Baylor’s first football game of the season is coming up on Saturday. So on tap for Friday night is Remember the Titans (…assuming I can get everyone on board. I think I’ll offer up some particularly unattractive choices for Options 2 and 3. Remember – I said this was a limited democracy.).

What works for your family? Do you have any movies we should add to our rotation?